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Do Yoda Proud: Meditation 101

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Meditation refers to a state where your body and mind are consciously relaxed and focused. Practitioners of this art report increased awareness, focus, and concentration, as well as a more positive outlook in life.Meditation is most commonly associated with monks, mystics and other spiritual disciplines. However, you don’t have to be a monk or mystic to enjoy its benefits. And you don’t even have to be in a special place to practice it. You could even try it in your own living room!

Although there are many different approaches to meditation, the fundamental principles remain the same. The most important among these principles is that of removing obstructive, negative, and wandering thoughts and fantasies, and calming the mind with a deep sense of focus. This clears the mind of debris and prepares it for a higher quality of activity.The negative thoughts you have – those of noisy neighbors, bossy officemates, that parking ticket you got, and unwanted spam– are said to contribute to the ‘polluting’ of the mind, and shutting them out is allows for the ‘cleansing’ of the mind so that it may focus on deeper, more meaningful thoughts.

Some practitioners even shut out all sensory input – no sights, no sounds, and nothing to touch – and try to detach themselves from the commotion around them. You may now focus on a deep, profound thought if this is your goal. It may seem deafening at first, since we are all too accustomed to constantly hearing and seeing things, but as you continue this exercise you will find yourself becoming more aware of everything around you.If you find the meditating positions you see on television threatening – those with impossibly arched backs, and painful-looking contortions – you need not worry. The principle here is to be in a comfortable position conducive to concentration. This may be while sitting cross-legged, standing, lying down, and even walking.

If the position allows you to relax and focus, then that would be a good starting point. While sitting or standing, the back should be straight, but not tense or tight. In other positions, the only no-no is slouching and falling asleep.Loose, comfortable clothes help a lot in the process since tight fitting clothes have a tendency to choke you up and make you feel tense.The place you perform meditation should have a soothing atmosphere. It may be in your living room, or bedroom, or any place that you feel comfortable in. You might want an exercise mat if you plan to take on the more challenging positions (if you feel more focused doing so, and if the contortionist in you is screaming for release). You may want to have the place arranged so that it is soothing to your senses.

Silence helps most people relax and meditate, so you may want a quiet, isolated area far from the ringing of the phone or the humming of the washing machine. Pleasing scents also help in that regard, so stocking up on aromatic candles isn’t such a bad idea either.The monks you see on television making those monotonous sounds are actually performing their mantra. This, in simple terms, is a short creed, a simple sound which, for these practitioners, holds a mystic value.You do not need to perform such; however, it would pay to note that focusing on repeated actions such as breathing, and humming help the practitioner enter a higher state of consciousness.

The principle here is focus. You could also try focusing on a certain object or thought, or even, while keeping your eyes open, focus on a single sight.One sample routine would be to – while in a meditative state – silently name every part of you body and focusing your consciousness on that part. While doing this you should be aware of any tension on any part of your body. Mentally visualize releasing this tension. It works wonders.In all, meditation is a relatively risk-free practice and its benefits are well worth the effort (or non-effort – remember we’re relaxing).Studies have shown that meditation does bring about beneficial physiologic effects to the body. And there has been a growing consensus in the medical community to further study the effects of such. So in the near future, who knows, that mystical, esoteric thing we call meditation might become a science itself!

How to Become an Ideal Leader

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When you are at work, do you get frustrated because things don’t seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be? You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that – goals. Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it

.Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn’t unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen – to be the head, not the tail. Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born. Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavor a person chooses.

First of all, let’s define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal, or an objective. He contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader not a boss.First of all, you have to get people to follow you. How is this accomplished?

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? The one that says, don’t follow me, I’m lost too? The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you’re headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization’s goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It’s about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you’re subordinates must be.Studies have shown that one other bases of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people. Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.So, do you have the drive and the desire to serve required of leaders? Do you have the desire to work cooperatively with other people? Then start now. Take your stand and be leader today.

Fear And Motivation Do Not Work Together

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The way you see your coaching and the way you react to it will influence the development of your entire business. There are 2 ways to approach everything you do: the fear that you will fail and not give your best and the motivation towards success. It is important to realise that your attitude can change the entire development of your activity.

Fear cannot control your coaching!

Many coaches, even the successful ones, sometimes experience fear about their coaching business. The fear of failure is somehow common to everyone, but it is this fear which could easily take control and stop you from achieving great things for yourself and your clients.

This fear of failure usually comes from your lack of self-confidence, you do not believe in your ability as a coach. Then how do you expect clients to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself? I’m sure you have your own natural skills, talents and abilities, which you can use in your activity, in your programmes and products.

You must realise that, once you use your natural resources, and you create products and programmes that suit your clients’ needs, you don’t have to be afraid that your diary will be empty.

The best thing to do when you have fears or doubts is to take it one step at a time. Take simple, but very effective steps, focus on what is really important at that moment and on aspects which will generate revenue.

I know that sometimes you don’t want to try or start anything because you are afraid. But you cannot let that rule your life and affect your business. If you really want to achieve something in coaching, take a risk, give it a try rather than not do anything at all. Maybe a strategy you implement or a product doesn’t get you more clients, but at least you tried, and you can always improve it or change it. It helps you become better as you learn from mistakes and less positive situations, and this, in time, makes you a very experienced coach.

So gather all your strengths, skills and talents and set the ground for a successful coaching business. Train yourself to say who you are, what problem you can solve and who you help, as confidently as possible. Your clients need to feel confidence and authority to hire you.

Move forward with motivation

So you say you are a coach. Coaching is mostly a tool to motivate, inspire and help others transform their lives. Then why not use this motivation on yourself? You love your coaching, you love to help others and you want to develop a flourishing coaching business. You know that the road to success can sometimes be bumpy, but you cannot let that stop you.

You have your goals and expectations, so always keep that in mind along the way. When things get rough, think about what motivated you to join this industry in the first place. Never let anyone or anything influence you and stop you. Do not think about the obstacles, the rejections, the failures. Think about the results you want to achieve and the satisfaction you will get at the end of it.

Do you really want to be successful? Then act as if you already are! This doesn’t mean that you must lie to yourself and deny reality; it should be a constant reminder of what you want and who you want to be. And this could also influence your clients’ attitude towards you. If you show them you are confident, successful, that your diary is full, then they will perceive you as the expert they must work with.

Most of all, find motivation even in small things and chores. Every little thing you do brings you closer to the bigger picture. Enjoy every experience you have and learn the lessons it brings; it will be useful when you share your experiences with your clients.

Always believe in yourself and what you can do. This is something no one can take away from you, and it defines you as a coach and sets you apart from your competitors. Find inspiration in other successful coaches and they will motivate you to move on and work towards your success.

You see, fear and motivation cannot work together if you want to develop a successful coaching business. Do not let fear interfere and discourage you, and find motivation in everything you do to finally get what you want. And, believe me, success is all about the attitude and the way you see it and act upon it.

Christine Marmoy has helped hundreds of coaches and business owners transform their passion into a profitable and sustainable business. She directly helps her clients define their message fast and consistently, design products and high-end coaching programs around their uniqueness.

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Coaching and Personal Development

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Coaching and personal development – simply getting much, much, more out of your life, sooner than you thought possible.

What is coaching and how could you benefit?

We are all well aware of coaches working in sport but what exactly do they do and what is coaching outside of sport? Well the answer is that coaching is the action of improving personal knowledge and development and growth in any area. Just as with the sports coach there is a close alliance between coach and client that is dedicated to the outcomes of the client. Coaching enables individuals to look at their lives in the whole taking into account all areas of a persons’ life and reconsidering the goals, activity and direction in each area as well as the balance between competing demands. The main reason why people turn to coaches to simply to get more out of life, whether this is in terms of relationships, career, health, sport, well being, spirituality, learning, life-style, or creativity. Typically people turn to coaches when they are no longer getting the results that they are seeking. This point can be a crisis, period of transition, or it can even be a frustration in a particular aspect of personal performance. Many people, however, are now aware of the benefits of coaching and are realising that they can get more out of any aspect of their lives through working with a coach well before aspects of their lives begin to become problematic.

A keen equestrian has a fall and looses confidence and works with a coach to rebuild her confidence. Realising the changes she continues to develop her understanding of her work life values and relationships and makes changes in her life and work as a result.

A highly successful businessman works with a coach to improve his golf game – realises the approaches are applicable to his business life and continues to develop his goals and motivation together with a breakthrough session to remove limiting beliefs which he found holding him back. His target – to double his business in twelve months. He takes an NLP Practitioner Course and develops a new range of approaches to working with himself and with others clearly confident in doubling his income which he does.

A teacher takes a distance learning coaching course to work with students better, realises he has no life goals or targets himself and sets about transforming his life, doubles his salary, gets a new house and eventually lets go of old beliefs and values and embarks on a totally new career and life-style.

Coaching is about personal transformation and growth. It teaches us that we have options in every aspect of our lives. It shows us why we live within frameworks of values, beliefs, behaviours, and habits and it gives us choice in every area.

So why do so may people spend so much time and money on self help books with such limited impact? The reason is simple. When you are learning about your own mind it’s far more effective to work with another, more skilled mind to get the changes you want. Coaches compel to action simply through natural human interaction. They challenge with skilful questions at the right time. They provoke within a context of rapport to challenge beliefs and values. They enlighten with a range of approaches and techniques to reveal to the client representations of the clients own experience which they simply were not aware of. Coaches work within what they call a framework of ecology. What this means is that they consider all the consequences of any course of action for a client. Yes a client could double his or her income but if this had a negative impact on their health or relationships the coach can easily lead the client to a deep understanding of all the consequences of their action so that they can adjust behaviour accordingly.

The Coaching Process

The coaching process is focussed on you. It begins with a detailed personal history which is much more than it sounds. It’s not just a detailed personal history in terms of your upbringing relationships, career etc. It will start your internal unconscious processes working to re-evaluate your values and aspirations before any formal work begins.

You may complete an audit and review of your current context and then choose an area to work on.

Breakthrough

The coach then begins an intensive programme called a breakthrough process which elicits and ranks your core values in a chosen area of your life – typically these are broad contexts such as Relationships, Career, Wealth, Health, and can also focus on personal contexts such as creativity, spirituality, and sporting interests.

Addressing limiting beliefs, behaviours and values

In order to be able to move forward in your life the coach works with you to identify the limits which your pervious learning, experience and upbringing may be placing on you. Having identified these the coach will use specific techniques which will then give you choice over whether to modify these or not. Learning that you have choice over these aspects of you make up is a tremendously liberating experience – hence the breakthrough tag on the process.

Creating a new pattern to live to

We all work and life to our own internal patterns, goals and aspirations. We do this whether we acknowledge this or not. These patterns shape our daily and lifelong behaviour. Becoming aware of the programmes we operate by through working with a skilled professional coach and giving ourselves choice over these is the key point of the whole coaching process.

Working with your coach, using specific techniques, the coach will assist you in the development of a revised personal conceptualisation – plan – vision – sense of – schema – of your present and future life. The imprinting events which shape our lives for decades are acquired really quickly and can be revised just a quickly. In fact, when we realise where our imprinting events are we can be shocked at how casually we adopt these and the lasting impact they have on us long, long after they were relevant or served our personal needs.

The coach knows how to develop your new internal aspirations and programmes with you so that they impact on your daily beliefs and behaviours and then works with you to achieve this.

Follow up

This is the followed up by a process of clean up of any further limiting beliefs, less helpful behaviours or sustaining new changes.

Ideally you will now have a very detailed written description of your future in every respect. The writing process is important to pattern unconscious learning into conscious thought – this directs the attention of the unconscious mind which then automatically matches actions, thoughts, opportunity taking to meet the new programmes you are working towards.

Choosing a coach

There are no standard qualifications which coaches have to have but there are some standards which will give you a great deal of security in choosing someone to work with. You will see many coaching courses available however these may not give the coach the full range of skills needed. The main ones to check for are that they have an advanced qualification in Neuro Linguistic Programming. You should know that there are three of four levels of qualification:

NLP Diploma A Three or Four day Qualification which is an introduction. If you are interested in your own personal development then this would be a good place for you to start with yourself. There are though, far too any people operating as coaches with only a Diploma or Certificate in NLP.

NLP Practitioner This is a qualification which take between seven to sixteen days to achieve and is the minimum standard you should work with. They will have a good grounding in the techniques and approaches needed to coach you. They might also have additional coaching qualifications but these are generally focussed on goal setting and low level rational processes which are limited in effectiveness without the Practitioner Certification. You will see Coaches with NLP Coaching Certification as well -such coaches are well prepared to support you in your development.

NLP Master Practitioner This is the ideal training needed to coach you. Master Practitioners are able to work with values, beliefs, behaviours, limiting beliefs, early patterning issues and even significant trauma. Ideally they will have additional certification in Hypnotherapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy thought this is a useful bonus and not essential.

NLP Trainer Such coaches have generally the highest level of capability of skills available and can work fluidly and flexibly to coach you to the outcomes you are looking for. They should be actively training and you should be able to assess their abilities by attending one of their shorter seminars.

Coaching is about working with you to achieve personal excellence in any area of your life. Many coaches set themselves up in response to some sort of unwanted transition in their lives. Why model these people? Choose a coach who is successful and effective in their own lives. You may not personally like them but you are not looking for a friend – you may need someone who can lead you out of your comfort zone

What you can do on your own

There are many ‘Be Your Own Life Coach’ books available which will give you a good introduction to personal development. Similarly there are many books available on Coaching and NLP which you may find useful. Free coaching course are available and a good introduction to personal development for participants as opposed to setting up a practice. You would certainly get a lot from taking an NLP Diploma or Practitioner course as this will give you considerable personal advantages and flexibility. Some coaching practices Charge less for a practitioner course than they do for a coaching package in the belief that it represents better value to the client. That is something you need to decide yourself.

In practical terms today go online and look for a wheel of life exercise and complete this. Then spend some times writing out a set of goals for your future setting out in detail what you want your life to be like in three years time, one years time, and what you will do every week to achieve this.

You are not stuck with the life you currently have. You have the life you have now because of your beliefs, values and behaviours. All of these can be changed so that they align with the life you want now rather than the life you wanted then.

Andy is a certified NLP trainer who has trained with John Grinder, Carmen Bostic St CLair and Michael Carrol. After a long career in Special Education Andy specialised in working with Young people with severe emotional and behavioural difficulties as well as leadership and management as a headteacher. He works as a trainer with SimplyNLP.Me in the North of England. You can learn more now about the high quality NLP training he offers at: http://simplynlp.me

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The Life Coaching Process In Action

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In this article I am going to show a life coaching process that I particularly find practical and can help clients in a simple and direct way while maintaining effective results.

This life coaching process is made of four main questions that are brought from two different disciplines; life coaching and emotional intelligence. The four main questions are:

1- What do you want?

Somehow we have developed an incredible skill and experience in defining and expressing what we don’t want. Once we face ourselves and try to define what we want we get speechless and our words don’t flow smoothly anymore.

Answering this question is basic ingredient for success in anything that want to achieve. Make sure to state what you want rather than what you don’t want.

2- What are your options?

If we get an idea regarding achieving what we want we jump ahead without even considering the fact that other options might be available. We get emotionally attached to the first idea that seems doable.

The best way is answer this question is through a brainstorming session allowing yourself to state every single option that might cross your mind without evaluating the sanity of the options stated.

This is not the time for evaluation. With this question allow all options to be considered.

3- What is the best option?

Answering this question will allow you to evaluate all the options that you have stated in the previous question. here is a suggestion on how to arrive to the best option:

a) Delete all options that are totally out of the question for implementation. If you think that any option has a small chance of being implemented keep it in the list for now. Only delete those that there is no way you might consider for implementation.

b) With the remaining options choose a prioritization method. Some examples of such prioritization methods are:

i) Importance

ii) Ease of implementation

iii) Faster results

iv) Effectiveness..etc

Once you have prioritized your options you will start planning for implementing your first option and the plan might start with the question “what is the first step?”

4- How do you feel?

Once you choose your best option, you need to check with yourself and the emotions that have developed once you have chosen the option.

In some cases we might choose the option that we have to consider and not the one that we feel comfortable with. This scenario might cause us to choose an option that we might not have capabilities for or one that will not motivate us to accomplish.

This might cause the usual procrastination that stopped us from achieving this goal in the first place. Choose the option that best serves your goal and one that you feel motivated to do.

We wish you all the best in achieving your goals and moving forward with your life.

Rami Doleh is a Certified Life Coach, Certified International Professional Trainer, Certified in Emotional Intelligence and a Thetahealing Practitioner with a MBA in International Business & more than 17 years of work experience. He has changed his focus from setting and achieving targets for companies to helping individuals setting their own goals, discover their true potential and create the life that they desire.

Read more about the life coaching process and check Rami Doleh’s Life Coaching Section Home

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3 Learning Points From Coaching Practice Sessions

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When starting a coaching session with your coachee for anything but the first time, it’s possible that there will be actions to follow up on from the last session. It’s important to remember that these actions are the coachee’s actions and not my own, so the responsibility to complete these actions is 100% with the coachee.

I noted this in a recent coaching session that I was having, despite the fact that I hadn’t completed the actions in full, no issue was made about it at the start of the session as this would have led to a negative conversation about problems which was not going to be the ideal place to start. Mid way through the session we did get back round to some of the actions and then tackled things in a more positive light.

What stood out most for me in this learning session was the power of the question “why” and in particular how that power is a negative one. During one practice coaching session I was acting as the coachee, the conversation (as far as I was concerned) was going well and I was feeling good. Half way through the session my coach asked me a question which started with the word “why” and my mood changed in an instant. I dropped from a state that bordered on euphoria to one that bordered on anger and the only thing that came into my head was “what gives you the right to ask me that question?”. (I didn’t say it, I just thought it!).

For me there are two learning points about the question why that are related to my experience:-

  1. Judgement – the why question can appear judgmental despite the fact that you as a coach may only be asking it out of interest. It’s this apparent judgement that (whether there or not) caused my mood swing away from the positive.

  2. Transition from feeling to head. Prior to the “why” question I was feeling good, I was in conversation, totally unaware of anything outside of my immediate environment (ref “In-between” of the SIMPLE coaching principle) and completely in the here and now. As soon as the “why” question was posed I was back inside my head and aware that I was being coached.

These two points are further elaborated when we think about rapport, building rapport and being in rapport. The theory goes that unless you are in rapport, change is not going to take place or looking at it another way, when as a coachee I’m fully in the present, feeling and sensing, this when I’m ready to make a change.

Whichever way you care to look at it, rapport between the coach and coachee is essential. One image used to demonstrate the process of getting in rapport is to think about the layers of an onion and as you peel them away you get closer to the core ie. the real personality.

Now I’m no good at graphics so I’m going to demonstrate this linearly with the layers from the outer to the core and together with this I’ll give you some examples of what people might say as the layers are stripped away and we get closer to rapport.

Outer Layer – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - Out of Rapport

Ritual / Cliché – - – - – - – - – - – - Did you see the ball game?

Facts / Information – - – - – - – - – - Discuss the score

Ideas / Beliefs – - – - – - – - – - – - – “We were robbed”

Feelings / Emotions – - – - – - – - – - – I was devastated

Core – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - In Rapport

During the coaching conversation we want to be in rapport but not all questions will get you there indeed keep you there. If you move out of rapport, don’t worry, just step out a layer, ask another question and come in again.

One final learning point for this session was to ensure that I use all my senses to understand what’s going on. Being able to effectively summarise is a key skill and using all senses to summarise can be extremely powerful. Look for facial expression and body language to help determine the state of mind that your coachee is in.

There was one instance during a coaching practice session that I summarised the situation and was a little out in terms of where my coachee was but having said that I learned that you don’t always have to be right. My coachee disagreed with my summation and went on to put me right, talk more and so the coaching session continued.

Paul Yates is now a qualified coach. References drawn on to write this article include what is coaching? and levels of listening.

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Life Coaching for Artists

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Pursuing a career in the arts has always been a difficult road. The terms “starving artist ” have been applied to the artists lifestyle for hundreds of years. We are all too familiar with the romanticized version of the struggling artist through literature and know about the horror of the unrealized impoverished genius. Simply put artists not often known for receiving big paychecks at the end of the day.

In many ways this makes sense. The one caveat about the artists life is that the artist spends a very large amount of their time working unpaid hours to perfect their craft or produce their product. It is this unique situation of unpaid hours and high risk that makes for the impoverished theme in an artist’s life. The field is competitive and with the bad economy there is only so much money to go to artistic projects. An individual may spend a large amount of time working on a project and not get the part or have their piece rejected. The artist can experience feelings of rejection, despair and worthlessness. What then?

One important thing to remember that the arts are a valuable asset to society. Artists produce works of creativity that relate to abstract concepts versus some other field like medicine. As mentioned above there is high risk involved with being an artist and an artist must get used to rejection. There are many reasons that an artist will get rejected from a project and it’s not always because their work is not sufficient. Investors, directors, or whoever is hiring may be looking for a specific look or product that you don’t have. The important thing is to keep on working and growing and waiting for the right opportunity to present your work. Prioritizing artistic goals and managing a healthy lifestyle is also essential for happiness and success. Here is where a life coach can be helpful for the emerging artist or mid career artist.

Many artists are known for their creative resources but are not always known for having the best sense of time management or business savvy. A life coach for artists is a highly trained individual that specializes in artists issues. A life coach can help with prioritizing goals, managing time, exploring options for making more money, and finding more opportunities to present work to. They can help with finding coping mechanisms for stress caused by competition and financial hardship. A life coach can also help with identifying negative thinking that may be hindering an artists work and reshape the thinking process to create a more positive approach to working as an artist and also seeing their dreams realized.

Being an artist is hard. But for those who know that the artists lifestyle is for them then finding a life coach might be a wonderful option for getting projects together and making those dreams come true.

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Saying No Is Not for Wimps

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Once I say yes, I don’t like to say no. If I make a decision, I like to stick with it. If I make a commitment to you, I’m going to keep it. If you’re my client, I want to give you all the support you need.

But what if I change my mind?

The act of saying no, can be one of the most strategic, smart, loving, profitable and honoring things you can do.

Think about how painful it is when you say yes and you really mean no. Or what about when you set a goal, and then don’t feel inspired to go for it, but you pressure yourself to get it done anyway because you wrote it down? Sure, you got it done, but was it fun?

I’m all for going for a HELL YES. That’s when you have a choice in front of you to do something, and everything about it feels good and it totally aligns with your values and goals. That’s a HELL YES! You can’t wait to jump on it.

But sometimes those things lose their attractor factor. Or maybe some other feeling or circumstance comes up and your HELL YES fizzles. Then what?

You have to give yourself the option of saying no.

That is exactly what happened to me this year. My world-traveling mother told me she was booking a trip to the Amazon and Galapagos for 2012. I immediately told her I wanted to go. I was all geared up and excited, so I made a deposit for the trip. So did my uncle. Boy, this was going to be great!

The first obstacle showed up soon after. My mate chose not to leave his business for that long. Argh. Understandable, but I really wanted him to come with me. Next, I needed to make sure I had childcare while he worked. Grandma #1 was going to be traveling with me. Grandma #2 was doing a two-month vacation during that time. My Godmother was going on vacation, too.

Doesn’t anybody park their butts at home anymore?!

Now my Hell YES seemed like a long shot. But wait! I know how the Law of Attraction works. I will just hold steady on my intention to go and a babysitter will appear (I’m a pro at this technique for having ‘date night’).

But as the months have progressed forward in time, I feel no more at ease than I did when I found out my entire family will be out of town for those weeks. As I dug deeper into my unease, I found that I really didn’t feel good about leaving my one and three year-old behind for two weeks.

I still realllly wanted to go on the trip, but it was no longer a HELL YES. It became a no. Saying no didn’t feel great but it felt better than moving forward with the original decision. A true HELL YES would be me, my mate and kids going on this vacation. Add in the rest of my family and I’ve got a triple HELL YES! So I will wait until it’s exactly the way I want it.

Saying no requires an abundance mentality. You have to trust the right and perfect opportunity or person will be revealed at a later date. HOLD OUT for that.

Saying no to a commitment is okay. There is no integrity police that will come and find you if you decide not to go to the meeting, don’t show up at a party or keep to your schedule for the day if it begins to feel like a drag. Tell your truth to anybody who needs to know and do it powerfully.

If you hire someone, accept a new client or enter into a contract and it turns out not to be a fit, you can say no. There is ALWAYS a way out and you can do it gracefully.

Saying no after you say yes is not for the faint of heart, especially if integrity is high on your values list. But if you want to have integrity with yourself, then saying no must be an option.

I’m also a huge fan of saying no right up front. It’s clear and gives the other person the freedom to move forward without you. There’s nothing worse than waiting for an answer from someone because they really want to say no but don’t have the guts to do it. Then after making you wait for eons, they say no anyway.

Be straight, it’s so much easier on everyone.

Client: Can you coach me this Friday or at 5pm today?

Me: No. I work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 8am-4pm Pacific.

Client: There is no other time I can coach this week and I really need to talk to you.

Me: How about these options _________and I can give you 10 minutes right now until we can go more in depth at another time.

Client: Okay, thank you.

And if the client still resists or pushes, then they are not the ideal fit.

Boundary pushers are not ideal. Period.

I know that sometimes saying yes is scary, too. But the all powerful no brings freedom to every decision.

Jeanna Gabellini, is a Master Business Coach who assists high achieving entrepreneurs, corporate leaders & their teams to leverage fun, systems and intentionality for high-octane results. An entrepreneur for 20 years she has a treasure trove of kick-butt tools to give you peace & profits. A Gift For You! Get your complimentary Business Building Audio CD “Transforming from Chaotic Entrepreneur to Conscious Leader” for the entrepreneur who wants to be a SUPERpreneur: http://www.masterpeacecoaching.com/freecd/

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Questions People Ask About Your Coaching Program

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When you are signing clients up for your coaching program, people ask various questions, and if you aren’t prepared, you might not have the answer. So I have compiled a few of the common questions people ask but are rarely covered in coaching training and given you solutions and responses here:

Question: am I the only person in the coaching program?

Answer:

If I were to sign up the first client, I would tell them that before they signed up, something like this:

“John, this is a new coaching program, the normal price for this is $4000 a year, but since you are going to be one of the first to sign up, I am going to slash the price in half, the only thing I ask is that even if you don’t have any questions one week, you will still join the call and ask some questions so the call isn’t empty. And for awhile you are going to be getting one on one coaching for the price of group, is that okay with you?”

They all say yes:-)

Question: What if someone asks how many people are in my small coaching program?

Answer: Instead of being embarrassed that you only have 3 or 4 people in your coaching program, make it into a positive that you have a small program like this:

Once you have more than 2 or 3 (you have signed the first few up like that) then you tell them that its a small group of just 4 – 8 people depending on the week, and that the advantage to that is that they will get unlimited access to you – that since it is so small there will be more time to talk one on one on the call.

Question: What if I want to record the sessions for future use?

Answer: Tell your new client that you are going to offer him a discount for participating in the special new recording of your coaching program, and that he is going to be one of the first to get the training, and that it’s especially special for him because he will get the coaching live, instead of recorded.

Here’s the thing…if someone wants to be a part of your coaching program, they really don’t care how many people are in the program, their real concern is, “Am I going to get the training I need.” And as long as you can do that, you can create a positive out of every element in your coaching program.

By the way, do you want to learn more about how I teach my clients to build simple coaching programs that create much more revenue than just creating information products?

If so, download my free guide here: How to Sell Coaching

Or do you want to learn more about using articles like this to drive traffic to your website and increase online conversions?

If so, I suggest you check this out: article marketing traffic.

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Three Key Elements to Fulfill Your Midlife Mission

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Have you ever wondered how to answer the question, “What is it you do in your business?”

If you are a heart-centered entrepreneur with a mission to serve, heal or change the world, you may have spent an inordinate amount of time and energy on answering this question. It can seem so deep and important and yet so difficult to articulate in a way that is magnetic and clear marketing language. In my experience, the reasons many heart-centered entrepreneurs and agents of change struggle with saying what they do are these:

• Reluctance to get clear and specific about who their ideal clients are and how they help them

• Confusion about how to value themselves and their work

• Lack of a clear vision for their business

• Fear of implementing their business vision and plan

If you are a Midlife Entrepreneur with a Mission, there is something at your core that wants to be expressed, a dream that wants to be lived, a call that must be answered. This “Call to Authenticity” can seem to grow louder every day. Some Midlife Entrepreneurs are answering it and others are not yet able to. What is the difference?

The first key to answering the “Call to Authenticity” is COURAGE. It’s not willpower, a superior character, or the favor of the gods.

Courage is a willingness to identify your dream, believe that you are worthy of it, and do the work to bring it into reality. As I have found in my own (on-going) branding process, the journey will surely bring you challenges in the form of your limiting beliefs so that you can break free of them. It means experiencing emotional ups and downs while keeping the faith. It requires going into the Unknown and trusting that you will find your way home.

A second key ingredient to answering the Call to Authenticity is SUPPORT for the journey. Whether it’s a like-minded colleague or mastermind group, a coach or mentor, or through dialogue with your trusted source, finding and using support is essential.

The third key in fulfilling your midlife mission is WILLINGNESS to keep going, to unfold, to be seen as who you truly are. In midlife, we no longer have the luxury to pretend that doing what we are called to do can wait another decade. Being willing to ride the waves of change, to be uncertain, and to tell your truth is demanded if you are to find fulfillment and make the difference you were designed to make.

The opportunity to heed one’s Call to Authenticity is available to all of us. Rollo May in The Courage to Create wrote that the act of creativity itself is courageous.

Entrepreneurs by their very nature are propelled to leave the Known to explore the Unknown. Support can be the fire that keeps the wild creatures of fear, confusion, and procrastination at bay and rekindle our courage and resolve. And willingness can be the inner strength we need to stretch, grow, and become who we were designed to be.

This leads me to ask you,

What are you being called to create and become?

Who and what is supporting you and YOUR Midlife Mission?

What are you willing to change to answer your Call to Authenticity?

Adele Michal, Your Midlife Midwife, helps heart-centered women entrepreneurs fulfill their mission in midlife through their small business or professional practice. For her complimentary report on 3 Simple Steps to Create More Now!, go to http://createmorenow.com/gifts.html

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